What Famous Painting Is Your Dog? (A Wildly Unscientific Guide)

Every dog is, secretly, in a famous painting. The Mona Lisa stares like a senior Lab who has watched you eat the same sandwich for nine years. The Scream is a Frenchie who hears the doorbell. You just have to know which painting your dog belongs in.

This is a wildly unscientific guide. We did not consult an art historian. We did consult several dogs. Here are the matches.

Your dog is the Mona Lisa if

She knows something you don't. Direct eye contact, faint smile, perfectly composed, slightly suspicious of your motives. Bonus points if she's a long-haired senior who looks like she's about to dictate a will.

Most likely breeds: Old Lab, mature golden, any dog over 9 years old who has stopped explaining herself.

Your dog is The Scream if

Vacuum noises. Doorbells. The mailman. Your phone alarm. A leaf falls outside. The same look on the dog's face every time. We've all met this dog. We love this dog. He is The Scream and he is everywhere.

Most likely breeds: Frenchies, Italian Greyhounds, anything herding-coded.

Your dog is The Birth of Venus if

Steps out of the bath. Looks deeply offended. Stands perfectly still on a single rug, dripping, awaiting compliments. Has been waiting her entire life to be photographed in this exact pose.

Most likely breeds: Poodles, Afghan hounds, the kind of dog that wears a bow.

Your dog is American Gothic if

Sits next to another dog in front of the kitchen window. They have the same expression. They have always had the same expression. They are partners in a quiet midwestern conspiracy you'll never crack.

Most likely breeds: Two of the same breed, side by side, refusing to make this funnier than it needs to be.

Your dog is Starry Night if

Senior beagle. Eyes that have seen everything. Sleeps with one paw twitching. Howls at 2:37 AM for no reason a human will ever understand. Van Gogh painted this dog from memory.

Most likely breeds: Beagles, hounds, anything that bays.

Your dog is The Persistence of Memory if

The puddle. The melted puddle of dog on the cool tile. You arrive home and there is no dog, there is only a dog-shaped substance occupying the floor.

Most likely breeds: Greyhound, Great Dane, any large dog in summer.

Your dog is Girl with a Pearl Earring if

Looks over the shoulder. Single eye contact. Devastating. Knows exactly what she's doing. Has had a tag on her collar that says "Pearl" the entire time.

Most likely breeds: Border collies, Aussies, any dog that has tricked you into walking her twice today.

Your dog is The Last Supper if

Twelve other dogs are at the dog park. Your dog is in the middle. They are all about to eat the same dropped french fry. One of them - a Jack Russell - is the betrayer.

Most likely breeds: Doesn't matter. There's always a Jack Russell.

Your dog is Whistler's Mother if

The old chair. The blanket. The dog will not move from the old chair with the blanket. The chair is the dog's now. You may sit on the floor.

Most likely breeds: Senior basset, any dog over 12 with a designated chair.

Your dog is The Creation of Adam if

Reaches one paw out, fully extended, toward you. Toward your sandwich. Toward divinity. Toward whatever you have. Michelangelo painted this dog and gave him a beard.

Most likely breeds: Any dog with a sandwich nearby.

OK fine, here's the actual quiz part

If your dog made you laugh in any of the descriptions above, congratulations. She has been in a museum the entire time. The next step is to take her there officially, which is what we do at Painted Co: we paint your dog in nine signature styles, from Renaissance oil to Royal Court to Ghibli watercolor, and you see the preview before you pay.

The most popular match for the descriptions above:

• Mona Lisa / Girl with a Pearl Earring → Renaissance style
• The Scream / The Birth of Venus → Royal Court (works for theatrical pets)
• Starry Night → Watercolor or Ghibli
• American Gothic → Renaissance (the formality lands)
• Whistler's Mother → Renaissance or Royal Court

If your dog is actually The Persistence of Memory, we recommend a Renaissance portrait with him posed correctly, because the painting will be the only evidence that he ever stood up.

Tag your dog's painting

Take a photo of your dog in the pose you described above. Upload it to our free preview tool. We'll generate the painted version in 30 seconds. The preview is free, no card needed, and a real person reviews every order before it prints.

This entire post is supposed to be funny. The portraits are not. Both can be true at the same time.

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